there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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