dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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