If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
