She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
