my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
