At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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