First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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