you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
