I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
