she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
