I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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