did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
