Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Boobs are out for the taking
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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