just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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