dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
