Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
