"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
