Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize