if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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