dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize