is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
