I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
