I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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