This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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