thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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