As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
