make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
