Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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