Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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