yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
