People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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