we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
