I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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