He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
