ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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