i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
