girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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