Your dad touched me again.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
