Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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