How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
