i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
