I smell stomach acid.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This is my gift to your gina
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
