Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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