and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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