remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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