is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
