Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
