i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
