you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
