Define "chronic" masturbator.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize