Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
