What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
