I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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