So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
