this just has baby written all over it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
