she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
