Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
