is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
