Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You need Xanax blowdarts
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
