Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize