I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize