how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
