I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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