he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize