The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
