Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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