How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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