"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
