Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
