i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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